Cold

My room is 22 degrees colder than the rest of the house. I may be an Alaskan girl at heart, but I've had seven years to acclimate to warmer weather. Also, there is no snow. This was actually my first Christmas without snow. Call me a purest, but if it's going to be cold, I want snow.

Day 3

Well it's day three of working on my precourse material for Coding Dojo. I don't have much to report. I slept in super late today, but when I woke up I felt infinitely better than I had the previous day so I guess I needed it. Thus far, all of the precourse material had been review for me. I take this as a good sign, and looking ahead I think I will be able to get done with both parts three and four as well as repeating part two to make sure that I've gotten it completely down tomorrow. I've been happy with the pace I've gone through the material. I know I'll slow down a lot once I get to things that I haven't done before so it's nice that I'm getting through this quickly so that I'll have more time to spend on the stuff I haven't already gotten down. Like I said, I don't have much to report so I'm just gonna get back to work, and maybe spend sometime reading tonight!

Another day, another post.

Hello lovelies,

Today is day two of my attempting to post everyday. So far so good. I haven't been feeling great. I had a caffeine headache till 6pm. I really need to start drinking tea again instead of coffee and redbulls. Shouldn't be too hard. These days tea is far more accessible for me. It will also save me money so win-win-win. I've only gotten in about three to four hours on my pre-course material today though I will certainly work on it more after I post this. Until I'm done at my job (my last day is the 26th) I'm going to be on a night schedule so I'm not concerned about how much time I've spent thus far. Additionally, I have the next three days off so I look forward to being productive while being able to relax a bit.

Despite not having spent as much time as I would have liked today, I have been happy with what I've gotten done thus far. I feel like I'm getting through the lists of things to do efficiently. I will say that I am developing a nice ever-growing list of things I need to look up. I will probably have to schedule a good six hours tomorrow or the next day to devote to that. School doesn't start for three weeks so I probably don't need to work as much as I'm planning to, but I'm excited to get a jump on things and find a good routine for myself.

I don't think I have anything more to say for now. So I guess I'll be off!

Coding Dojo

And once again, it has been almost a year since my last post. I truly am terrible at this. On the bright side, I now have something to make me post regularly, and hopefully get myself into the habit. A few days ago I received my acceptance letter from Coding Dojo. For those who don't know, this is a three month super intensive "coding bootcamp". It's basically a computer science degree compiled into a three month program. It takes less time than a CS degree, and less money, but requires persistence, determination, and focus. Luckily, those are my specialty. So as of February 2nd, I will be putting in roughly 15 hour days. I couldn't be more excited.

This also meant that I got to give my two weeks notice at my job today. I can't tell you how much stress that will relieve for me. It's not that I disliked the job itself, on the contrary, I love working hard, and would probably be happy in most any job as long as I was accomplishing something. The problem was that I was morally opposed to the way my employers ran their business and more specifically how they treat their staff. I won't go into specifics. The point is, I won't have to work their too much longer.

But back to Coding Dojo. Today I paid the $1000 security deposit to secure my seat and get access to the precourse material. This consists of lectures, articles, courses, lots of downloads, etc. to complete. One of the things on the list was to make a blog if we didn't already have one and to start posting about our experience. To be honest, I spent a long time debating if I should use this blog or not. If I should delete all of my old posts or not. People I actually know or will meet will be reading this blog. It's been almost two and a half years since I started this blog during which time I struggled with high school, an anxiety disorder, college, dropping out of college, and going back to finish my associates degree. I've grown a lot. I've experienced a lot. This blog doesn't show much of it since I hardly post, but it shows some. My past is a part of me, and I won't just erase it. In addition, I don't think people talk about their struggles with anxiety disorders enough. There isn't much awareness even though our society breeds it. I'm not going to remove what I've written about it.

For the at least the next three months I will be attempting to post everyday. Therefore I will be pretty happy if I end up posting once a week on here. I'm all about progress these days, and I view every post as progress. As for Coding Dojo, I was somewhat skeptical about their program when I first started the application process, but I've been nothing but impressed by the staff and what I've seen thus far of the program. I also love that they have given me work to do before the program actually starts. I'm ready to get a jump on things!

Till next time.

Moving Forward

It's been almost a year since I've posted on here. I didn't realize, or I would have posted a long time ago. So here is a quick overview of the past year. The last time I posted was about a week before I left for Washington State University. I won't go into specifics, but WSU ended up being a really bad experience for me that resulted in me dropping out after the first semester, and backtracking significantly in my depression and anxiety. I then spent the next few months working, and getting back to a safe emotional place.

I realized that moving back in with my parents wasn't conducive towards the personal growth that I was hoping to achieve, so I moved in with some friends about a forty five minute drive away. Once I had gotten myself to a healthier place, I enrolled in the spring quarter at the community college near where I live. I few weeks ago, I finished up my Associates Degree.

After that my parents had a far different reaction than I was anticipating. I expected them to want me to continue to move forward. Pick the next step, and take it. The reaction I got was almost the complete opposite. My mom talked about how since I got my Associates at 18, I was now two years ahead of everyone else, and that meant I had some time to explore my interests and just enjoy life.

So I guess we'll see where life takes me next.

Tattoos!

I finally got my tattoos!! Couldn't be more pleased with them :)

 Music has always been a huge part of my life. My dad is a music teacher and I have played the french horn for the past eight years. Music has gotten me through a ton, and has always been there for me.

I get a lot of questions about this one. (Prior to having it as a tattoo, I wrote it on my wrist all the time.) Many people think it is a literal reminder to breathe. It is not. It reminds me of the struggle I have gone through with my anxiety disorder my whole life. It reminds me of the pain and struggle I have dealt with. It reminds me of the progress that I have made. It reminds me that I have been at absolute rock bottom, and come out the other side. It reminds me that there is a tomorrow. Honestly, I don't even know why "Breathe" is what I use to represent all of this to me, it just is.

A Post

I try to write everyday. So far I'm averaging about twice a week. But that's improvement, which is good enough for me. I haven't however been writing on here, for the simple reason that I have no idea what to post. Since I haven't posted yet this month, I suppose I will.

Life has been...good. It's really strange actually. I wake up in the mornings content, and I am happy more often than I am not. That may sound like nothing to some who read this, but to me it is everything. For the past few years, I have made it my goal to be happy more often than I am not. This is something that I have never been. Never. Until now. Honestly, it has been far too short of a time period for me to conclusively say that I have succeeded. But I couldn't care less. I am happy, and that is something I am going to celebrate.

I got a job at a pizza place near where I live. I've been working about 40-50 hours a week. I only have one day off a week so I'm generally pretty busy on those days. And the people I work with are cool for the most part. It's tough to say if my insomnia has improved or not. I think it has? I average about 8 hours of sleep a night, however, I don't manage to fall asleep until 4 or 5 am. I finally got my belly button piercing. That took entirely too long to happen. I should also be getting my tattoos within the next couple weeks. Speaking of a couple of weeks, it is now exactly two weeks until I leave for college. It's about time! Though, I will miss work. Overall, I really like the atmosphere there. And tips are paying for my tattoos, so the more tip money I make, the more of my tattoos I can get. I should be able to afford the three main ones I want, and then I will probably wait until next summer to get any others I want.

There really is no point to this post. It's just an update because I haven't written in a long time. I still question myself a lot, but less than I used to, which is nice. I'm getting better at making and following through with decisions that are best for me. Two days ago my anxiety hit really bad. To the point where I almost had an anxiety attack at work. There was no reason for it. People were fine. We weren't that busy. I was just extremely anxious and there was nothing I could do about it, but go to the job that involved the least human interaction and keep myself working until I could go home for the night. This concerns me because I haven't had that sort of anxiety, especially without cause for a while.But like I said, I have been happy more often than not. My anxiety levels overall have been low for me. This incident concerns me a little, but I don't expect it to be repeated soon

So yeah. Here is a post. It consists of my ramblings, but what's new? I'll try to post more often, we'll see what happens.