Thursday, November 29, 2012

Death To Squeaky Toys *Updated*

There is a bird that lives in a tree close to my window. I have never seen it, but as far as I can tell, it never leaves that spot. I also never stops squeaking. You read that correctly, squeaking. There is a living squeaky toy in the tree outside my bedroom window. I'm pretty sure this bird is the reason for every coyote within a ten mile radius.

I already have a ridiculously hard time falling asleep. I have gone months (that I barely remember) on a maximum of two hours of sleep a night because I couldn't fall asleep. I frequently try different things like sleepy time tea, melatonin, valerian root, and anything p.m. to attempt to make myself sleep, but generally, they all fail me. I don't think I need to say that having a breathing squeaky toy going off every thirty seconds outside of my window doesn't help matters at all. But that isn't the worst part. No, the worst part is when the sound wakes me up in the middle of the night. My brain doesn't work as well as I would like on a normal basis. But when I wake up in the middle of the night to the sound of this:

I instantly think that something is dying. I then run downstairs, and stand outside in the cold for a few minutes before I remember what the source of the sound is. Then I drag myself back to bed and repeat the process of trying to fall asleep. This time, without the options of drugs as assistance since I've already used them. Now, I'm not a fan of killing things. In fact, I refuse to kill anything, including mosquitoes, and am a vegetarian. But that is a post for another time. The point is, there is a breathing squeaky toy outside of my window. AND IT MUST DIE.

Update: Okay, so looking back on this post with some sleep, I feel that it may have been a bit brash. Maybe someone could just steal it's voice box for me so that I could get a good night's sleep? Or better yet, let's relocate it. Far from any human ears.

The picture might have also been a bit of an exaggeration  I don't have a living vampire rubber ducky living in the tree outside my window....I don't think.... But that is what I imagine every time I hear that bird.

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